Monday, August 22, 2011

Remembering your Loved One in A Special Way....

Hello there,

I don't have to tell you that dealing with grief is not easy. For something positive to think about, there are many ways you can celebrate the life of your loved one.  It can help one in moving through and processing their grief in a positive way. There is no wrong time or way. You just have to be ready. When my dad died, I lit candles that I bought for the occasion, put out a cross (the symbol of his religious faith and mine, but you can use what is meaningful to you-it doesn't have to be religious), a few of his possessions that seemed to represent him. I prayed a bit. I just thought about him too. This was all done at his place a day or two after he passed away. It was a spur of the moment thing.  It felt okay at that time. I didn't have much money and was staying at his place out of state. 

I've done little personal ceremonies for the loss of pets in my life. I've painted stones and objects in memory of my mom and grandmother.  I've lit cyber-candles. Once, I wrote a letter to the editor that appeared on the one year anniversary date of my mother's death. I was stirred by an article I saw about a drug treatment using hormones that strongly contributed to the cause of my mother's death. I let all my anger into that letter. It was quite wordy and ended up needing lots of editing, but I felt so determined to write to have some control over and to fight what caused my mother to die.  It felt so good, I kind of said, "This one's for you mom!".  It did get published. Several women told me they stopped taking the drug (one should always consult a doctor or get second opinions before doing that though!) or at least questioned it with their doctors. It felt good.  Perhaps it helped prevent some other deaths.

You can contribute to a group or organization that was meaningful to your loved one, you can plant a tree, you can volunteer doing something or helping someone meaningful to your loved one. Any of these things can help. You can use any of these ideas or come up with your own. You can do it when it feels right. Even planning it can be helpful. Coming up with the ideas can be meaningful.  It may help you think of the more pleasant memories of that person and how you are helping to keep the memory, the life, the legacy of that person going.  You can do something with others or by yourself. You can do several things, a little, one thing or nothing. It's all okay.

If, perhaps, you had mixed feelings or left things on a sour note when you last saw the person, or perhaps if you didn't have the best relationship with the person it is okay to put it off if you decide to do anything. This is supposed to be helpful to you. It is important for you. When and if you are ready, you can do it in your own way. Something may come to you. It may help you move on easier or help put negativity in proper perspective. This will be discussed more.

When you are grieving, there is a lot to "digest" and it has to be done in its own time. You have to do it in your own way. Make it meaningful to you. 

I will discuss more of these types of things with you. There are enough thoughts here for you to think about, discuss or share. I hope this was helpful or meaningful.

If you have any thoughts, ideas, suggestions, questions-please share them.

May you be in peace,
Mary Ellen

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