Monday, September 12, 2011

Saying "No" is Taking Care of Yourself...

Over the past few days, I have been feeling down. I got started on an important post, but it was getting too painful to finish it. It was reminding me too much of different issues with the death of my father, which took place in May.  Too many painful feelings were rising to the top. I felt like bawling and was very grouchy to my husband, brother and other people during the day. I have a lot going on in my mind.

Maybe the numbness is starting to wear off. I felt like crying several times.  I kept pushing myself to write the darn post and couldn't. Well I tried to continue on it. I was becoming unsure of the content. It didn't flow out. Then I decided that if I didn't take care of myself, that post was not going to be good for anyone else. It wasn't timely and there was no major rush to get that particular topic covered. I decided to say "no" and take the day to feel what I needed to feel.  I need to process this, but not let it seep into things in my life and hurt them. So, I gave myself a break.

Presently, I am still feeling these feelings, but "This too shall pass".  I am able to write this though and to let you know that not only is it okay to take a breather in some way, it is important and necessary.  It is a good time to perhaps let someone do something nice for you, invite them to, or perhaps even do something nice for someone else. Just let it be something that is not going to distract you or hurt you (or someone else) in a negative way. Sometimes we can't pinpoint, but just trust your gut instincts.

Or perhaps you need to be by yourself.  Perhaps you can take a walk or a drive somewhere that is conducive to thinking or letting your mind wander. Perhaps going to a place you used to spend time with your loved one may be a way to help process the feelings.

Perhaps you  can spend time with a mutual friend of your loved one that you lost, who may be dealing with the grief process also. Go out and do something together. You don't necessarily have to focus on the lost loved one or if it's comforting, then do talk about the person. It could be helpful either way in the whole process.

What is important and healthy is that you give yourself permission to do this. The pain or feelings will fester and will gnaw at you otherwise and you will get stuck. It is important to go through the process so that you can move on and grow in life. It will help you to not only help yourself, but others.

May you find and be at peace.


  1. Yes! When life gets to be just too much it is most important to stop and take a breather. We are no good to anyone, let alone ourselves if we hold too much in and do not take time out for ourselves! Hopping thru on Monday!

  2. I am now following you from the Blog Hop. I would love if you could follow me back!

  3. Hi new follower. I would just like to say that I'm happy I found your blog. I am a student majoring in Mortuary Science and funeral service. I'm always looking for ways to help others and this is a great idea. I hope you can visit my blog and we can become friends :)

    x's and o's

  4. Bless your heart.. I hope you get the time to make sense of things and find your peace. That quiet time is so important I think... hang in there:) New follower on GFC. Thanks for visiting my blog :)